When I was little, I was Loud. I would sing loudly, speak loudly, laugh loudly. One day, after school, I was roaming around the house, being Loud. I don’t remember exactly what I was doing or saying but I what I do remember is these words from a sibling: “You’re so LOUD! Would you please be QUIET!”
I did. From then on, I stopped being Loud. I hadn’t realised before that being Loud was a problem, but now I did. Not only did I understand the idea in my head, I understood it in my body. A kind of shame overtook me. It swallowed me up, along with my voice. I wasn’t Loud again.
I decided, in ‘Show and Tell’, to become one of the ‘quiet whispering’ girls. The teacher had to say, “Speak up Andreana!” When I auditioned for a solo part in the choir, I sang softly, even though I knew I could belt it out. The solo part went to someone else. Once I caught myself laughing loudly, and realised with embarrassment that my nostrils were flaring out. I covered my mouth, covered my face.
I had been Loud. Now, I was Quiet.
I don’t think I’m the only woman or girl who has concluded that it is better to be Quiet. It is more polite, more courteous, better mannered. The Christian woman who has been conditioned to be Quiet might read Paul’s letter to the Philippians and conclude that it is her Christian duty to be Quiet. Pauls asks us to imitate Christ, who “emptied himself, taking the form of a slave”, “humbl[ing] himself” to the point of death (Phil 2:7-8). A Christian woman, reading this passage, might conclude that her Christian duty is subservience and humble obedience to more powerful people around her. She is to shrink, to become Quiet.
This is a Great Lie. Yes, we are to empty ourselves – but not so that we can be doormats, but so that, like Christ, God might be glorified through us (Phil 2:9). We empty ourselves of all the dirt and muck that blocks our light, so that we might shine like stars (Phil 2:15). And not with our own light, but with the light that comes from God.
I needed to empty myself of this Great Lie, so that I could begin to stand tall again, and let my voice out. I needed to empty myself of the dangerous quest to be Quiet, and learn to laugh and yell and sing again. To become LOUD, again. My loudness is one of the ways that God shines through me!
Lent is a time of intentionally walking more closely in the way of Christ. This Lent, I wonder what do you need to empty yourself of, so that God might shine more brightly in your life?
Words by Andreana Reale
Image by Greg Rakozy, Unsplash
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